chaos

I sat down last night last week to write something considerate and profound about where my family and I are in our lives right now and managed, I think, one good sentence on the subject. The truth is we are not in a considerate or profound state – we are the midst of chaos, because we have made the decision to move to Ohio so my husband can take a great job. For the length of time this transition took to come to fruition, we’ve had to move shockingly fast since ever, making decisions quickly and with authority. My last day of work? August 21st (I actually gave four week’s notice). The kids’ last day of daycare? August 28th. Our beloved house here in Pittsburgh is on the market and we’ve secured a short-term lease on a pet-friendly apartment in Ohio. I can’t spend any time thinking how our poor dog is going to adjust or I get heart palpitations – I think this will be worse for him than our children, who are young and will benefit enormously from our relocation.

I keep thinking of myself as being in profound states (I’m currently reading The Evening Star and it’s easy to adapt one of the lead female character’s voices (Aurora’s) as my own – I alternate between what I think of as a profound state of grief (over leaving my wonderful network of friends and the house I brought both of my babies home from the hospital) and profound elation (I no longer have to worry about sending my kids to private school – public school is an actual, awesome option for us!) to profound glee – we are returning to the true mid-west, with wide open skies, endless Great Lakes and a sun that shines more than the 57 days a year it does here in Pittsburgh. Not that much more, but still.

But mostly, I’m addled. And when I’m not addled, I’m overwhelmed. I started a running program to help manage my stress, and I hate running, but it takes less time than a yoga or dance class. There are countless things to do, from retrieving my kids’ vaccination records to retrieving my dog’s vaccination records. Security deposits are needed here, there and everywhere. We make huge, significant decisions and then backtrack, revising. The only sure things right now are that Sam’s start date is in less than two weeks, my brother is getting married in Colorado in three, we have a home to sell in order to buy a new one.

There’s so much to write about here…how I feel about pausing my career, what I’ll miss in Pittsburgh, my hopes for the future. Once questions I’ve seen asked on many blogs over the last few months is “and, what about this blog?” It seems like a lot of bloggers are thinking over whether or not they want to continue blogging. My hope for this space is that I will blog more frequently – indeed, my hope for myself is that I will write more frequently and possibly even manage a successful freelance and adjunct career, at least for a few years. I’m still trying to digest what this move means for me, but I do know one thing – I am grateful for this pause. We have one year before Evangeline begins kindergarten and we are irrevocably tied to a school schedule – I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep E out of some kind of school in Ohio but I have titled this year our Year of Adventures – I’ve bought us a journal and everything. I have been blessed with time, and Sam has been blessed with his dream job – my main goal is not to waste the opportunity.

So, darling readers, I hope to be with you MORE, not less. And I hope you’ll continue blogging, too. Writing and reading blogs is one of my most favorite things.

More soon,
C

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4 thoughts on “chaos

  1. Wow, that’s huge! Congratulation on your husband landing his dream job! I’m sure you’ll negotiate those tricky times succesfully and that you’ll laugh at it in retrospect. Good luck for the move and all. We can’t be of much practical help but I look forward to your next post!

  2. As ever, Courtney, I think you are doing things beautifully. To have a year of adventures planned with your kids sounds extremely positive, and a way to make the most of all these changes. Change is debilitating no matter whether it’s good or bad! But you are embracing the chaos wonderfully well, I think. Love Smithereen’s comment, too, and second that!

  3. Congratulations to S on landing his dream job! I also think you appear to be handling this very well. Seeing it as an adventure. I love the idea of keeping a journal with Evangeline. Look forwarding to reading more of your experiences in the months to come.

  4. A “year of adventures” sounds just right. I’m so excited for you. It’s going to be fun to follow you as your new challenges and pleasures reveal themselves. Of course there will be complications and challenges, but that’s life.It would be pretty boring without them.

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