These Sandwich Days – Recent Conversations

Grace and me:
Me: Grace, what do you think the baby in mommy’s belly will be? A girl or a boy?
Grace: A girl. It can only be a girl. No boys!
Me: Well, I’m doing my best, but I can’t really control it. It could be a boy.
Grace: Then I want an all-growed up boy brother. No baby boys!

Well, that would hurt.

My dad and me:
My dad: The thing is, I have all of these tomatoes from my garden, but I don’t want to make salsa! I’ve made chili sauce, tomato sauce – what else is there to make? I WOULD make salsa but it always turns out watery and really, why make salsa when store-bought is so good? I like that Mrs. Renfroe’s salsa just fine!

Me: I think you’ve done your due diligence, tomato-wise. Just don’t make the salsa.

This conversation wouldn’t be notable except for the frequency with which we had it – three times in three days. Normally this might send of warning signals in my brain about potential dementia onset, but knowing my father the way I do the guilt he has over these tomatoes knows no bounds and the only way for him to reconcile himself to the fact that he is wasting a few home-grown tomatoes is to continually reassure himself that (a.) homemade salsa is runny and (b.) he likes store bought salsa – in fact, he prefers it!

Grace and me:
Grace, in her stern, dad-imitating voice: Mommy, stop talking! I don’t like your talking anymore!
Me: Well, that’s too bad for you, little girl. I’ve been talking for a long time and don’t plan to stop.
Grace: I don’t like it, and I’m the boss!
Me: Ha, no, I’m the boss.
Grace: No! I’m the boss! I’m first boss, you’re second boss and daddy’s third boss.
Me: Ha, hardly. You are definitely third boss.
Grace: Well, okay. For now.

Me and my mom:
My mom: Don’t get me wrong, we want to visit your brother in Colorado. It’s just so difficult figuring out what to do with the dog.
Me: You could bring him down here while you are gone. He and Skylar get along so well!
My mom: Courtney, he’s not a city dog! He wouldn’t get enough exercise with you!
Me: Our dog is walked every day. EVERY DAY. I guarantee that is more excercise than your dog gets right now. He’d be fine.
My mom: No! He isn’t used to so much traffic.
Me: We won’t let him run in it, then.
My mom: Nope, I just don’t know what we are going to do with him. I guess we could board him…
Me: Well, that’s what you usually do, and he likes his boarding family a lot!
My mom: But we’ll be gone so long this time, camping our way out there and back! I worry he’d think we had abandoned him!
Me: You could take him with you.
My mom: And be tied down to a dog the whole time? A lot of camp grounds don’t let you leave your dog in the camper, not even for a short walk! He’d have to go everywhere with us!
Me: You could bring him down here…

wash, rinse, repeat

My dad and me:
Him: You know, I don’t think the zoloft has cured my stomach issues like the doctor thought they might, but I’m going to keep taking it because my golf game is so much better this summer!

Well really, what does one say?

My mom and me:
Her: You know, our minister gave a really excellent sermon in church the other day discussing the value of forgiveness and how important it is for Christians. He did a lovely job and really made me think – if my friends want to be good Christians then they will just have to forgive the fact that I don’t want to bring fruit to next week’s party and I’m bringing my margarita machine instead!

Grace and me:
Me: Did you have a good day at school, sweetie?
Grace: No. Connor touched my taco!
Me: The tacos you had for lunch?
Grace: Yes!
Looking at her menu posted on our fridge: But honey, it says here you had hamburgers for lunch.
Grace: Mama, he touched the taco I COOKED.
Me: Oh, your pretend taco?
Grace: Yes! Connor touched my pretened taco! So I had a mad day.

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3 thoughts on “These Sandwich Days – Recent Conversations

  1. Brilliant! This really cheered me up. Leah also tells us to stop talking. ‘Shh! Don’t talk, just kiss!’ I loved the part about first, second and third bosses. Leah definitely thinks she’s first boss in our house.

  2. Pete – yeah, I find the boss thing hilarious. If I wasn’t worried about stunting our already slow process on the subject, I would tell her nobody gets to be a boss until they are potty trained!

    Anne – my daughter steadfastly believes so many wonderful things right now – that she could legitimately buy a camel! That her imaginary friends play so nicely together! That only she has our last name, but Ian and I are just “mommy” and “daddy”!

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