Last year, on G’s first birthday, I shared some excerpts from my journal of her first year. I thought I would do the same again this year for her second birthday, choosing a few excerpts from her first and second year to share. However, I seem to wax rather poetical on the topic of motherhood (truth: I enjoy it a LOT – a ridiculous amount, really) so I threw in a few disgruntled-but-unrelated notes to share as well, lest you think I am a ridiculous PollyAnna on the subject. These aren’t overly meaningful but they give a nice snapshot of the last couple of years.
8/1/2011 – G was so sleepy today – we barely got any quality time with her at all. But the time we did get was full of cuddles and kisses – everyone should have a little girl to spend time with! She is just so sweet and loving, and she loves seeing her mama and daddy – it makes my heart overflow.
8/10/2011 – Today milk ran out of G’s mouth for possibly the last time as I was feeding her – we are weaning this weekend. On the one hand, both she and I are ready but I will miss those sweet, sweet nursing moments with her, even though they grow fewer and farther between now. (Of note – I think it was a mistake to wean so early with G – she was around 7 months old when I did so. My job made it very difficult to nurse and having Ian able to feed easily made our lives tremendously easier so at the time it was the right decision, but if I have a second baby I will strive for one full year of nursing).
9/11/2011 – I don’t mind it terribly when Ian goes out of town and leaves me alone with G. is it more difficult logistically? Absolutely. Is it fun to engage her by myself? Again, absolutely. Truly, a baby is such better company than most grown adults.
11/5/2011 – (This post isn’t purely about G but since I seem to mostly write positively about her I thought I’d throw this in just to show I’m not completely naive, or a simpleton) Struggling these days and wishing I wasn’t – having Ian promoted to such a powerful position at my work place + crap at my job + most of the household chores ending up in my lap – I have to keep acting as though I believe things will work out, because of course they always do.
11/15/2011 – I miss nursing and wish I would have committed to a year. With my next baby I won’t be so concerned with what everyone thinks and I won’t be bullied by my work place to quit so early.
2/19/2012 – We gave G her first baby doll this weekend – the responsibility seems stressful to her – the bottle, the blanket – as Ian noted, she seems more interested in the doll than any other toy to date.
4/16/2012 – It’s really windy tonight. I hate climate change and having to adjust to more dramatic weather, and everyone walking around with their heads in the sand about it.
5/7/2012 – It has taken G quite some time to rebound from this illness, which is stressful and hard on all of us. I never feel more bi-polar being a working mom than when she is sick – the extremes of emtions I experience in terms of work/life balance are ridiculous.
6/4/2012 – Finished watching the season finales of Glee and Smash this week – they make me miss theater! Unfortunately that is one area that I won’t get back into anytime soon, unless I keep working toward my goal of financial and creative freedom! It’s fun to think theater is out there, doing its thing, and willremain there if I ever want to return.
7/15/2012 – Adorable G day today filled with lots of hugs and kisses and mama time. As the mother of a girl I can say this with certainty – having a child the same gender as I am is a delight. Right now it’s like G finally “gets” our rleationship and she says “mama” as though it’s something precious.
8/13/2012 – Vanity – bound to be my undoing. Sitting in bed with Sam out of town and a bum toe due to a rogue pedicure. Really hoping the penicillin kicks in soon and I am able to resume 100 percent normal activities – so stupid!
8/28/2012 – Today Ian and I started talking about adoption and I was shocked by the mpathy he showed on the subject – recognizing so many kids don’t receive the kind of love and attention G does. The fact that there is another child in our lives to come fills my heart with unending joy and gratitude. (note: we have made no such decision to adopt right now)
9/18/2012 – Today G pulled my hair and bit her own arm in frustration. It was easy to stop but hard to watch.
10/30/2012 – Mushroom pasta and wine with M tonight – great coversation with Ian after. Behold – the power of girlfriends!
12/18/2012 – Super fun and productive networking dinner tonight with AR and MU tonight, reminding me of all the possibilties of women who could rule the world!
1/8/2013 – Oh my God, my mom has turned into that old woman with way too many terrible stories she thoroughly enjoyes telling. When she told me I wasn’t a “spring chicken” today – that sort of hurt – until I realized I had just called her old.
1/23/2013 – Exhausted, overtired from this cold and a rought night with G. Miserable about everything and everyone – hoping for a better day tomorrow.